hot action

I was walking home from the diner a couple days ago, when I passed a happy little family scene at the foot of Bloomfield Street.

"Momm-eee," said the tot in the stroller.

The kid's mother stood a few feet away, cigarette in hand, back turned to the plaintive tyke. She was a petite woman with long brown hair. As I walked past she turned to look at me. She looked tired.

"The fuck you staring at?" I glanced up as some tattooed musclebound dude came bounding over towards me. There was a chain link fence between him and me, thank god, and he stood on the other side of the fence doing a little monkey dance. "What the fuck you staring at? Huh? What are you staring at?"

When I got home I told my roommate Stephen what had just happened. "And the thing is, I wasn't even really checking her out," I finished.

Stephen said, "That guy totally knew who you were."

Posted by philip at 02:02 AM | Permalink

I thought about this little episode and wondered if it was a sign that I shouldn't be having so much sex with other people's girlfriends.

But the next day I went and did exactly that.

Posted by philip at 02:02 AM | Permalink

Seeing the kid in the stroller reminded me that summer is here and soon the playgrounds are going to be full of sexy single mothers. Single moms have long been another area of specialty for me. I love them and here's why.

These women work incredibly hard and have their hands full pretty much all the time. They have the same sexual urges as everyone else, but don't usually have many opportunities to go out looking for hot action. I've run into women who are having their first Saturday night without the kids in two months, three months, sometimes even more.

I love single moms for their ability to cut through all the usual social bullshit and get straight to the business of what they want. These are women with no time to waste. I admire that.

Some guys steer clear of single mothers on the assumption that any time you get down with one, Ms. Mom is automatically going to be looking at you to be the new Mr. Daddy. In my experience, this hasn't been the case at all. Single moms on the town just want to get some action... and damn it, they want to get it tonight.

Posted by philip at 02:01 AM | Permalink

"Female ejaculation," said Tony. "Myth, or reality?"

"Reality," I said. "It's pretty rare, though. I've only met a few women who can do it."

"I saw this porn thing about it," he said. "You do this funny finger thing, like this. It seems like a lot of work."

"Yeah, it's hard work. But it sure is worth it."

"She gave out this crazy scream, almost like an animal or something... I've heard that people can have their fingers broken from the force of the contractions."

"Those women have exceptionally strong vaginal muscles," I said. "Fingers broken, I believe it. It felt like they were going to grab my hand and pull me right in."

Posted by philip at 03:58 PM | Permalink

"Are you going to order meat? Because if so I probably won't be able to kiss you any more tonight."

I looked at her to make sure she was serious, and she was.

We were sitting in one of my favourite Chinese restaurants. I'd met her a couple of days previously, and this was the first time we'd hung out. She was a sexy vegan with perfect lips, beautiful eyes and a body that I was having trouble keeping my hands off. We'd already made out once that evening, and I'd really been enjoying our sexual chemistry.

"I usually don't kiss boys who eat meat at all," she continued.

"Why not?" I said. "For political reasons?"

Just then a friendly server arrived to take our order. I stared down at the menu, and here's what went through my mind:

"Who does she think she is? I'm buying dinner. I know what's good for my own body. Right now I'm thinking curry beef. If I order vegetables on her account, it will look like I'm so desperate to kiss her again, which is kind of pathetic. Plus, I'm asshole enough to believe that she'll make out with me anyway.

"On the other hand...

"I invited her here in the first place specifically because I knew there would be vegan food. I am strong enough to be a gentleman and to take a woman on a date and make her comfortable. Plus, if I order curry almond mixed vegetables, it will show that I'm definitely expecting to kiss her again, which would be kind of flirty. Anyway, it doesn't really matter what I choose because everything at this restaurant is good."

Now, what do you suppose I did? What would you have ordered if you were me?

Posted by philip at 09:01 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)

In case you haven't noticed, my fetish lately has been for women with boyfriends. Being evil is hot. Plus I enjoy the challenge.

I read somewhere that fewer than 25% of Canadians identify themselves as "single." That's a grim statistic. There's no way I'm going to rule out three-quarters of the beautiful women of the country, just like that.

Twenty-five percent is not much of a market share. So I'm on a mission to destabilize a few happy homes. Ahh, pure evil.

Posted by philip at 11:38 AM | Permalink

Word must have gotten around because I've had a couple of women say, "Don't tell my boyfriend I was talking to you." They needn't worry, because so far I haven't been pursuing the wives and girlfriends of guys I personally happen to like.

But having said that, I will continue to work towards the day when nobody really cares about monogamy.

Posted by philip at 11:38 AM | Permalink

By the way, quit saying 'hot action' is self-indulgent. I indulge lots of people besides myself.

Posted by philip at 11:38 AM | Permalink

Hi -

I'm writing you a note just in case you stumble onto this website.

Ten seconds into our conversation, you looked at me and said, "You are such a slut!" I hadn't even really said anything slutty. You made this deduction based solely on a couple of non-verbal cues, which is pretty impressive. I can tell you're very intuitive...

By being so forthright, you put me at ease right away. I like you. It's too bad I had to leave; I was looking forward to getting us both in a lot of trouble.

Call me when you get to Halifax. That is, if you are nervy enough to test the strength of your current relationship. But we are bound to have a good time... because I think you are a bit of a slut as well.

Love Philip.

Posted by philip at 08:04 PM | Permalink

Oh, sure... wait until after I've given you an orgasm to break out in shyness, neurosis, disapproval, guilt, head games and bitterness towards your ex-boyfriend (who apparently didn't believe in monogamy either).

Posted by philip at 10:02 PM | Permalink

I finished work at the Marquee, and I had this urge to go up to someone and say, "I've had a crush on you for three years." But I didn't run into anyone there that I'd had a crush on for three years. So I left and went for a walk. On Spring Garden Road, a pretty girl smiled at me, so I pointed at her and said, "I've had a crush on you for three years."

"Really?" she said. "I haven't been here for three years."

I looked back once, but I didn't hear anything else she said. I kept walking as a curious sensation bubbled up inside me.

Sometimes I do strange things. Not to see how people will react, but to see how I will react.

Posted by philip at 03:28 PM | Permalink

And then I went to a party and met a woman who told me she had a boyfriend. But then she started telling me dirty jokes and kept trying to make me laugh. She talked and I listened. After a while I pulled her into a darkened room and threw her down on the floor.

She didn't want to go all the way though, which makes her "sort of" a bad girl, which means I "sort of" like her.

Posted by philip at 01:01 PM | Permalink