The hot action guide to
The hot action guide to buying Philip Clark a drink.
Buying someone a drink is a great way to say, "I like you and I would like to sit down and talk to you for a while, and maybe get you a little tipsy in the hopes of having my wicked way with you." Not that I'm a heavy drinker, but I am easily susceptible to this common form of social interaction.
- I'm allergic to beer and wine and a few other things, which cuts down the options. Lately my poison of choice has been the double White Russian. It tastes like a yummy milkshake, but it has to be a double to pack any sort of kick. I'm also partial to a nice gin and tonic.
- If a woman says, "Let's head over to the shooter bar," then she'll probably turn out to be a fun person to hang out with. I prefer Liquid Kocaine shooters (1/2 Jagermeister, 1/2 Goldschlager).
- Getting loooaded is not generally a good idea. There are times when I've wanted to say to a woman, "Whoa, you're drinking awfully fast, slow down or you'll be of no use to me later." But I didn't say anything, because she's an adult capable of making her own decisions and so on. And then the bar is closing and she's off puking in the bathroom, or sloshing around unable to keep her head up and saying, "Arrre you coming home with me or what" and I say, "Um, I'll call you a cab" because I find it creepy to have sex with a woman whose eyes are rolling up into her head.
- I've been guilty of drinking too much or of drinking the wrong thing. I hardly ever get drunk, but last December and also last March I got wasted. Both times I drank Smirnoff coolers that triggered horrible migraines. I wish I could relive the encounters I had those nights, because I'm sure it could have been super hot if my head had not been pounding.
- Be sensitive to the chemistry of the situation; buying me a drink doesn't automatically mean I'm going to go home with you. I might already have plans (although plans can be broken...).
Also, if you offer to go buy me a drink and then disappear for more than nine-and-a-half minutes, I reserve the right to go talk to someone else.