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Random scribbles from Philip's notebook:

~ One of my new favourite sites is naked loft party. It's intelligent, well-written and thoroughly debauched. The only thing I don't like about it is that it takes place in New York, and I live in Halifax. Maybe someday I'll move to New York.

Geez. If naked loft party were written in Halifax, it would go something like this: "Leslie and I pulled down the front of her top and started kissing and sucking her erect nipples. She squirmed away and said she'd just broken up with her boyfriend last month and didn't want to get hurt again, and could we go sit in the Commons and talk instead."

Sound familiar?

I remember I posted something
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about threesomes a while back and the general response in the comments box was disbelief. People can't conceive of sexual adventure in Halifax.

Anyway, if it's any consolation to you people, I've had some horribly failed threesomes this year. Always there's one woman who will say "I'm up for anything, let's just relax and have some fun." And there's one who will abruptly get freaked out and have to run out of the room. Fun while it lasted! Recurring theme.

~ Sometimes there are lulls. Usually it's because I'm working a lot, and I'll scarcely notice the time passing. This is all right--the valleys give meaning to the peaks. Fortunately these "lulls" will only last a week or two at most.

Rarely will I bust out of it with a bang. I'll know a dry spell is about to end when I have a night with a couple of enjoyable close encounters. I get a feeling of anticipation. Sometimes I describe this feeling by saying "I'm in low orbit around Planet Girl."

~ A woman has been occupying my thoughts for the past week. One night at closing time I caught a glimpse of her moving through the crowd. My stomach did a little flip. My body recognized her before my brain did.

We were alone upstairs in the little hallway behind the Marquee stage when she grabbed me and kissed me. It was magical. My fingers drifted across her bare midriff. She was a very good kisser and when we broke it off I just had to take a deep breath and say "Whew."

We stayed up late that night. The next afternoon we picked out a couple of movies to watch together. Bad movies--that we wouldn't actually have to pay attention to.

~ Rethinking the direct approach. A woman came up to me at 3am and asked point-blank if I wanted to go home with her. Cute as she was, I was reluctant. No flirting? Aren't I worth investing a little time in? Mental stimulation greatly enhances physical arousal.

And on the weekend a woman told me I was "too much work." I was pleased. I took it as a compliment.

Because I'm openly promiscuous and I do this website, people sometimes assume that I'm very easy and accessible. Not necessarily. You gotta expect to work a little bit.

Except I cannot conceive of the seduction process as being "work." I find it thoroughly entertaining, every step of the way.

~ I took an "Are you an introvert or an extrovert" quiz and my score came down almost exactly fifty-fifty--right up the middle. Half and half.

Makes sense to me. I'm shockingly brazen at times, I'm a fearless performer and I have definite exhibitionist tendencies.

I'm also so shy I can barely talk to people sometimes. I was at a party recently and I had to go sit in the living room by myself because there was nobody in the kitchen I knew and I couldn't handle it.

And sometimes I can't approach women at all. Way too shy. I can make eye contact with a woman in the vegetable section of the grocery store, and within thirty seconds we're talking about cunnilingus. And yet I'll be too shy to go up to someone that I've been seeing around for a while who's really pretty.

She has to be alone, for starters. If she's sitting with a friend or a group of friends I won't approach, unless maybe she's smiling at me and licking her lips and cupping her breasts and stuff.

[Fellas: if you're not sure whether a woman is attracted to you, the best time to approach her is when she's talking to another guy. All it takes is a word. Whether she blows you off or latches onto you, you'll have have the clearest answer for the minimum social risk.]

~ People sometimes ask me for tips on picking up women. I just laugh. Seriously, what do I know? Nothing.

The best I can tell you: "Get out of the house. Show up at the bar. Show up alone. Leave by yourself. Do this a few times, until you get used to it.

Show up at the bar alone and stand somewhere by yourself and try to think cute thoughts. Don't stay too long.

It's good to get out of the house; it's good to go home."

If I had to sum it up in two words, I'd say, "pay attention."

~ Tributes to women I've never met.

1) I see her in Hell's Kitchen from time to time. She's tall with short, dark hair; very pretty. I can't tell how old she is but she comes off as being more of a woman than a girl. Her hair comes down in little curls in front of her ears and it drives me crazy. Her style of clothing is... I would say she's a little bit bohemian, but not a beatnik or anything like that; stylish and classy. I think we know some of the same people, and I keep waiting for someone to introduce us but it hasn't happened yet. Sometimes I think I'll go talk to her after work but she always slips away before the band is finished. I think I said hello to her once in passing. She said, "Hi." I should've said, "Hello, I'm Philip and I think you're very beautiful." From the moment I saw her I've known that we were destined to meet and have a smoldering affair. Maybe that's why I've been waiting so long to approach her--I'm putting too much pressure on myself because I want it to be perfect. Even though we've never met, whenever she's at the bar it makes me feel calm and relaxed just to know she's around. To know she exists.

2) I've been seeing her a lot at the Marquee lately. She's tall and blonde--blonder than blonde--with her hair usually pulled back in a ponytail, She's lovely; she's beautiful; she is an angel and I am filth. A few nights ago, I thought I saw her smiling at me but I couldn't believe it. Sometimes I wonder what she's doing hanging out at the Marquee; she's too pretty. It's not even a specifically sexual thing, it's like an aura she has. I want to put my arms around her. Again, no clue how old she is. We've never met but whenever she's in the room I get butterflies and have trouble concentrating on my job. She'll probably get a boyfriend by the time I approach her. That's OK. When they break up I'll be waiting. I'm a patient boy.

I'm already heartbroken.