hot action

There was a bartender who used to work at the Marquee. At closing time, it would not be unusual to see that he had managed to gain the audience of a beautiful woman.

I'd notice him while I was putting away my sound gear: his arms folded on the bar, leaning over, talking, big smiles.

I would finish coiling up my cables. Once everything was put away, I'd walk up to the pretty girl and say "All set?" And then we'd leave together.

It happened enough times that the bartender started calling me Studly. "Hey, Studly!" he would say. Or else, "Well look who it is, it's Studly!"

One time he walked around from behind the bar and came over to talk to me at the soundboard.

"Hey Studly," he said. "Let me teach you something about women."

I said, "Okay."

"See, it's all about the Five F's. Do you know the Five F's?" He numbered them off for me on the fingers of his hand. "Find 'em, feel 'em, finger 'em, fuck 'em... and forget about 'em."

"That's pretty good," I said. "But what about the Four W's... have you heard of the Four W's."

"No, whatzat."

"The Fooooour Doubleyous," I said. "Whip it in... whip it out... wipe it off... walk away."

He thought about this for a second. Finally, he said, "Naaah, nah man, it's all about the Five F's."