gossip column
Hello and welcome back to hotaction.ca, the online shmide to shmex with shmilip shmark.
It's been over a week since I picked up my computer from the repair shop, but it's taken me a while to get back into writing. Mostly I forgot about the Internet. Are you still reading this? If you're still out there, leave a comment. Or send me an email. Send a picture of your breasts, if you have nice ones. Thanks.
I find it's easy to neglect a blog because the whole concept of an internet audience is so abstract. Not that I have a problem with sitting around talking to myself, after all I am a hermit who lives alone in the woods.
Should I update my blog? Or should I just go down to the cellar and write my website on the basement walls with a big fat Sharpie. Maybe I should write my website on a piece of wood with a lead pencil and then chuck it into the woodstove.
Right now there's something I need you to do for me. I need you to email me some hot gossip. I am so far out of the loop, they fired the hangman. What's going on out there? Nobody tells me anything!
This is something I miss about living alone out in the country, I never get to hear about stuff, at least not until way later. People breaking up, people getting together, who left the show with whom, somebody did something so somebody hates somebody's guts.
Even if I don't even know you. Tell me what's going on in your social circle. I could drink a cup of hot scandal right now.
I will never say a bad thing about gossip. It is the lubricant of society. Whether it's true or false, well-meaning or malicious, gossip keeps us alert to the possibilities of this world.
I especially enjoy hearing about couples that have broken up. So I can congratulate them. Hit me.
Comments
No gossip over here. Not even any hot action to report. But glad to see you back though.
And please don't write on the basement walls - aside from not being able to delete it (Sharpies are great, if a little permanent), none of us would ever get the pleasure of your words, which would be a dreadful shame.
Keep it up. And the blog too.
Posted by: The Girl | April 17, 2006 02:07 PM
gossip!
he wants to date her. she just wants to kiss him. because of that he thinks that she thinks she's too good for him. when he talks about this she doesn't want to kiss him anymore. he's sad and wants her. she is indifferent.
he dumped me because I wanted too much sex. he wanted it to always be special. he is friends with my roommate. when I see him I ignore him.
Posted by: a | April 17, 2006 08:45 PM
This girl I work with is a stupid twat who hits on anything that breathes.
"I swear to God, if you don't leave him alone I'm going to slam your head into the counter over and over until I hear bone cracking."
Or so I thought, waiting quietly beside her for my orders to come up.
Posted by: Catherine | April 17, 2006 09:44 PM
I broke up with a guy who wasn't good enough to be with me in the first place and he now tells people I'm a slut simply because I scream a little too loud. If enjoying a good, hard fuck is slutty, consider me the loosest girl of all.
Posted by: M. | April 17, 2006 11:10 PM
Not gossip, but at my job the other day while I was shelving, I walked by two girls just in time to hear one say to the other in all seriousness, "Lisa, I just don't get it. The Divine Comedy really just isn't that funny."
I wanted to crack her skull with a thesaurus.
Posted by: Library Girl | April 19, 2006 12:45 AM
You should update your blog.
What do you expect me to do if you don't?
Write stories about my own sex life and read them?
I mean, please. That's fun and all but it's not quite the same.
Posted by: klc | April 19, 2006 10:56 AM
i'd read it.
Posted by: Philip Clark | April 19, 2006 03:07 PM
It is nice to have you back. We've had to amuse ourselves for the past little while..take a peek at theslipshodpetticoats.blogspot.com
xoxo poppy and violet
Posted by: the SSPs | April 19, 2006 07:45 PM
*agrees with the SSPs above* with your absence, my own writing has had to take on a raunchier feel to keep myself satisfied. Welcome back, we missed you xxx
Posted by: Mel | April 20, 2006 09:33 AM
I was seduced by a married couple last weekend.
It was bloody delicious..
Problem is- that married couple happens to be my exboyfriends sister and brother in law.
I'm not normally this scandalous.. I just couldn't help myself. Now THERE is some gossip my dear..
Posted by: Marley | April 20, 2006 02:24 PM
have you ever thought of playing a gig in the west? we could use your talent out here - the music scene in calgary is lamer than nickleback....
Posted by: carol | April 20, 2006 04:41 PM
the cherry and apple blossoms are beautiful in vancouver
everything else same same not different
Posted by: amy | April 24, 2006 12:57 AM
I'm planning on going on a secret trip to LA with my best friend. It's secret because I'm married and he might get a little pissy that I'm taking off with my girlfriend who he knows is a little too sexy for her own good. The thing is, so am I - but he's forgotten that because we're married.
What he doesn't know is that I'm not really interested in picking up anyone - I only want to lay her out on that hotel bed and play with her for a few hours. I know she is thinking the same thing. We're both 6 feet tall so we're well matched.
Can't wait.
Posted by: Katharine | April 25, 2006 11:32 AM
I am getting a divorce, and you gave my new boyfriend a backrub on Tuesday night.
Posted by: audra | July 14, 2006 09:48 AM
usually I don't comment on articles, but what the hell.. who knows what it may lead to. I have yet to do it with a very tall girl-that's my ultimate fantasy. I am short male of 5'4. I am out of luck in this arena since most tall girls don't dig shorties.
Posted by: James | August 30, 2006 12:34 AM